Pearl Has Thoughts

(They're not all nice.)

by Pearl Pemberton

A pocket-sized book of pearls, lipstick, and the things a proper lady has been dying to say.

@pearlhasthoughts
Pearl in a yellow sun hat and pearls, sipping tea: 'Well, how ni-i-ice.'
Southern for “f*ck off”

Meet Pearl.

Pearl has been a lady her whole life. She sends thank-you notes. She owns gloves for every occasion. She has never once left the house without lipstick.

She also has thoughts.

For years she kept them to herself, behind a smile and a nice cup of tea.
Well, darling, those days are over.

A few of her thoughts

Adult humor. Contains language. Pearl does not apologize.

Doctor said hydrate. He didn't say with what.
I don't hold grudges. I just remember everything. In alphabetical order.
My patience is like my pearls. Classic, precious, and one tug away from snapping.
I'll say this slowly, since you're special.
Please hold. Your call is not important to me.
Your opinion's been noted. And filed. Under trash.
I don't do drama. I'm just here for the popcorn.
This is my polite face. It's leaving.

She has more thoughts.

She always does. Follow along on Instagram, and grab the book for the friend who needs it (you know the one).

Follow Pearl